So why does sex therapy for couples so often start with relationship therapy? For the most part, couples that come in for sex therapy can feel that the state of the relationship is contributing to the disappointing or non-existent sex they want help for. For high-conflict couples this may be obvious, but what about people that come in feeling pretty darn good about how little they fight? Conflict is not the only measure of a troubled bond. Sometimes lack of conflict is a sign of distress in disguise!
So many couples struggle to heal past emotional injuries. They get caught up in the gridlock of defensiveness and fail to repair. Or, what I see so often, they don't even bother to tell their partner about the hurt, assuming they won't be heard or validated. Over time this pattern erodes intimacy and desire leading to a totally unsatisfying sex life.
This is just one example of how couples who may not fight often can still be experiencing relationship distress that presents as trouble with sex and intimacy. For real change to happen sometimes sex therapy has to begin with couples therapy. So when you find yourself wanting to "get to the good part", remember that in most cases good sex comes from a happy relationship!